Something to think about

Today’s focus is about following your instincts and “Staying the course”.
We all have that voice that guides us. I like to call it your intuition. You may call it your instincts. Whatever you call it, it’s still there. It’s always there. It’s always right and waiting for you to listen. Sometimes we get off track—on this journey we call life. Perhaps there is some path you are on and you are having a difficult time staying on the path—or you took a wrong turn. That’s okay—forgive yourself for and “wrong doings” (or faults that you see in yourself). Be strong—so you can persevere. We will find our determination—that quiet, strong, voice that says “keep going’; “Yes, you can do it”; “This is the right path”; “You are going the right way”.
As you focus on your path, I do not know where you are or what you are struggling with. Maybe you know that you are on the right path and are struggling to stay on it. Maybe you made a wrong turn. Don’t let it get you down. Learn from any mistakes that you make and get back on the path.

You would not have the wisdom and knowledge you know possess were it not for the setbacks you have faced, the mistakes you have made, and the suffering you have endured. Once and for all, come to realize that pain is a teacher and failure is the highway to success. You cannot learn how to play the guitar with hitting a few wrong notes and you will never learn to sail if you are not willing to tip the boat over a few times. Begin to see your troubles as blessings, resolve to transform your stumbling blocks into stepping stones and vow to turn your wounds into wisdom.
When life throws one of its curves, follow the words of Rainer Maria Rilke:
Have the patience with everything that remains unsolved
in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like
locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language
do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given
because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing
everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps
you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself
experiencing the answer, some distant day.

You might not even know the question. Some of you are asking “what question?”. I do not know where you are on this journey. Perhaps you know the question and are waiting for the answer. Or perhaps you are ready for the answer. Only you will know. Listen to your intuition.

This is a passage from Robin Sharma:
It is easy not to listen to what the Quakers call the “still, small voice within,” that inner guide that is your personal source of wisdom. It is often difficult to march to your own drumbeat and listen to your instinct when the world around you pressures you to conform to it dictates. Yet, to find the fulfillment and abundance you seek, you must listen to those hunches and feelings that come to you when you most need them.
As I grow older, I give far greater respect to my instincts and to the natural reservoir of intuition that slumbers within each of us. The impressions I receive when I first meet a new person or the inner sense of wisdom that softly nudges me in the right direction during a trying time have come to play a larger part in the way I work and live. It seems that with age comes the corresponding ability to trust your own instincts.
I have also found that my personal instincts grow stronger when I am living “on purpose,” to say, spending my days on activities that advance me along the path to my legacy. When you are doing the right things and living the way nature intended you to live, abilities you were not aware you had, become engaged and you liberate the fullness of the person you really are. As the Indian philosopher Patanjali eloquently wrote:
When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary projects, all of your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitation, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

Uh oh, I'm in trouble

I am back with the guy that I was dating when I was trying to date two guys at one time. It didn't work out too well with the first one. We got into a little tiff while in Colorado. I just wasn't feeling it anymore and he was pretty upset by that. We are no longer on speaking terms b/c he needs to grow up and get off of Daddy's payroll.
I say that I am in trouble with this one because I am feeling something different. There is definitely a spark there, but I am afraid to jump to conclusions. I don't want to say anything and jinx myself so I am trying to keep my mouth closed. It is so hard!!!! I do like him a lot, but I don't know that I am ready to show him that. He has told me in the past that he feels the same way, and he did say that he really missed me when we stopped dating. I am scared of the same things that I am always scared of: him lying to me and feeding me a load of bull. I guess only time will tell. I may be making another mistake, but I am going to San Antonio with him this weekend. I guess I will see how things go and take it from there. I really want this one to work out.

Jealousy is and Angry Monster

Jealousy is being "green with an envy". I always thought it was ironic that money is green and the color green symbolizes jealousy in literature.

I am going through the same thing I have been going through my whole life. My "friends" are not really my friends. I have some horrible rumors floating around about me. I don't understand why tis is happening now. We are too old to still be doing this.

It all started because I was making some bad choices again, but nothing nearly as bad as it had ever been before. I understand that they are concerned, but come to me first, not the guy I am dating. Plus, one of them is never out anymore so she has no clue what is the truth and what is a lie. Everything is just out of control...

Needless to say I am doing some house cleaning in the freinds department. I am always doing this every few years. I should have found my good friends by now. I do know of one for sure and she is awesome. I think this friendship is going to go a long way, at least I hope it does.

Moving Sermon

I went to church yesterday with Jon, the guy I am dating, and I was a bit skeptical at first. We attended the 11:11 service at Second Baptist. I had never been to this church before and was taken aback when I saw it as we drove up. This place is huge! It looks like a junior college from the outside and the inside is just as big. I told Jon that I was not going to like it here because it was too big and I liked small, intimate churches better. Yes, I judged based on appearance and I know that I should not do that, but I couldn't help it and was strictly going off of past experiences. So we went in and found a seat and the service began. There was a lot of singing, but it was contemporary music and you weren't forced to join in so that was good. There was a guest minister that day. He was a very good speaker. They were talking about the book of James and how our tongue is the root of all evil, but how we cannot necessarily change it or make it better, but God can. The guest minister told a story about a boy who was born to his mother out of wedlock and he never knew his father. He was called a bastard and never had any friends or playmates. It was a very sad and moving story--I actually cried. When I looked around, though, I was not the only one crying. The minister was actually choking back tears as he was delivering the speech. It was a story of triumph; a true ugly duckling to swan story. I was overcome with emotion and was afriad that I would not be able to stop crying, but Jon comforted me and eventually I got a hold of my emotions. It was a beautiful service. Jon said that the minister at the church was just as good as the guest who spoke. I am looking forward to going again next Sunday.
I wish that some of the people in my life would have been there to hear him explain this section on James. They could have benefited from it as greatly as I did. I am trying hard to not speak badly about or to people. Yes, it is hard, but I realize how badly words can hurt or help someone. It is ironic that my mom hurt me with her words that same day only a few minutes after leaving church. She got angry with me for no reason at all and hung up on me. I have not spoken with her since then. I am still not sure what it was she wanted or why she was so angry. After getting off the phone with her, I just started bawling. I felt bad that Jon had to sit there and witness it, but I had to let it out. I had explained a little bit about the relationship that my mom and I have to him before, but he got to see it first hand. He was amazed and shocked to see that my mom would treat me that way. I just want a mother who loves me because she wants to and not because she has to.

the right one

I asked for a second chance and got it. I think I picked the right one this time. I am just surprised that I was given this chance. I really broke this guy's heart.

So far so good, though. We are having a great time and everything is really relaxed. It feel so comfortbale, but sometimes I think it feels too comfortable. Is it supposed to be like this already? Here I go again, over-analyzing everything. I always do this when I am in a relationship. I can't just let things go the way they are supposed to so I wind up screwing everything up.

I almost did that this weekend. I gave a different guy my phone number right in front of my new guy. Don't ask me why, I guess it just makes me feel good to know that there are still other guys out there who want me and find me attractive. That makes me question whether or not I am truly ready to settle down. I am beginning to see that this whole going clubbing every weekend thing isn't working for me anymore. I never have as much fun as I used to no matter how much I drink or who I am with. I would much rather go to a nice restaraunt and have a noce dinner and go home and relax. That has to count for something, right?

Picked the worng one...AGAIN

Looks like I picked the worng guy again. Why do I always do this? Maybe my friends are right, I like to be treated like crap, which is why I pick all the crappy guys.

I thought for sure I had the right one. He was everything I have been looking for. Good looking, great job, nice salary, adventurous, likes good food and wine, and he wore glasses (the icing on the cake). He is older and I figured more mature; the two usually go hand in hand. Turns out, that is not necessarily true. I have not heard from him in five days after he went out with someone else on Valentine's Day! If you don't like me, fine, but don't ignore me! Grow up. I am sick of dating boys, I want to date a man.

I can only hope that the other guy will still give me a chance. But, do I want that second chance? What does it mean if I can't stop thinking about him, but I am still unsure of whether or not I want a serious relationship with him? He is so great to me and I can see myself marrying hin and having a family and really being happy, but I can't see myself sleeping with him. That is a big part of a relationship for me. If it's not good in the bedroom, it can't be good anywhere else. I know that he is good for me, and I know that my family would love him. Why does it have to be this hard?

Happy Valentine's Say

I am single this Valentine's Day and I don't really have a problem with it...