Wedding on the brain

I had a dream last night about my wedding.  It was not very good.  I had a great time and I was overly greatful that everyone was there, but somehow my mom chose my wedding party.  None of my friends or family were in it.  It was some random girls who I used to speak to on occasion, but only because their parents were frineds with mine.  Then, I completely forgot to look at Kurt's face when he saw my dress for the first time; I was too busy looking at everyone else in the chapel.  The reception room was SUPER small and then when Kurt and I were dancing our first dance, I asked him if he liked my dress and he said yes....BUT he didn't like the jewels on my hip or the bottom part or the train.  That upset me a lot.  I am glad that I woke up then because it could have only gotten worse.  I don't really think that things are going to go that badly, although I am sure Freud would say something different.  I think it was just because Kurt and I actually discussed things about the wedding.  Anyways, it was weird.

When will he be home?

Yesterday was not a good day for me.  Not only was I hungover, but I was missing Kurt in a bad way.  Of course everything that I watched on TV had to do with couples being in love and spending time together.  I cried quite a bit yesterday.  This is so hard, being away from him for long periods of time.  I say long periods, but it has only been a week, but we never spent that long apart since we moved in together.  I am hoping that it will get easier as time passes.  I need to find a hobby, really.  I only get sad when I spend too much time alone.  Most of my friends are guys so I would feel really weird just hangingout with them alone.  My girlfriends either live far away or are too busy to hang out.

God, give me the strength...

My younger cousin got married about 3 months ago and she is now pregnant. This came as a total surprise to our entire family. I really want to be happy for her, but I just can't. I am so upset and feel like she is stealing my thunder. It is supposed to me my time now. She just got married and her time with people oogling over her and now I am supposed to have mine, but I feel like I won't now. That sounds totally selfish of me, but I am only getting married one and I kinda want this time to be about me and Kurt; not my 23 year old pregnant cousin. I don't even know if she is going to be in my wedding anymore and I actually dread talking to her about it. I am going to give her the option to decide whether or not she still wants to do because I don't want to kick her out. She is going to miss out on the fun, though. I know she won't come to my bachelorette party and she is not going to have fun in Vegas with a three week old baby. I just think she could have been a little more careful and a lot less careless with this situation she has out herself and others around her in. I really want to stop being so upset about this, too.

It's been a while

So I just read the last post I wrote on here and I cannot believe it has been that long. Kurt and I are still living together and we are now engaged. We are planniong on getting married in June of 2011 at the Paris hotel in Las Vegas of all places. Believe me, it was not my dream to get married here. I have been dreaming of the St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans since I was 12, but that all went up in smoke... It is okay, though because I just want to marry Kurt and start our lives together.
I resigned from teaching after this last year. I am attending the University of St. Thomas and working towards my Masters in English. I went in with the intention of becoming a college professor, but I have become interested in persuing publishing. I had always thought that it would be fun and exciting, but I never actually thought that I could do it, and now I have given myself that chance.
Kurt is now in the oilfield business. He has been out on his second rig for almost a week now. He was gone on his first site for a week, as well. I am having to get used to him not being here and there have been nights when it has been hard, but knowing that he has a job that he is actually enjoying. This is alos something that is stable and that he can actually move up in, which was not the situation with his old job.
Right now, everything seems to be going okay in life for us, which is good.

Home Sweet Home

My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost 2 months and I have to say that everything is great. It feels as though we have been living together our entire lives. Of course there are things that he does that get on my nerves, but there are things that I do that get on his nerves, too.
I hope that this is a sign for the future. I have not seen a dip in any place in the relationship. The sex is still wonderful, he helps me clean, and he cooks on days when I get home later than normal.
What more can I say besides *sigh*.

Is this it?

Okay, I had a talk with my boyfriend and I have not been worried about the "big move" for a while now. I am actually welcoming the change and I am truly excited that I am going to be ableto see him everyday. I like the fact that I get to fall asleep and wakeup with him there. I think this is really going to work because we are both pretty independent people. We like our space, but we like each other, too. Neither one of us gets angry or upset when we want alone time or would rather hang out with just or friends.
I love him like I have never loved before. I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life and allowing us to love one another the way and as much as we do. I'm sure that we will run into some rough patches while under the same roof, but that is what builds a good relationship. So far we have been able to handle everything in a very mature manner. Hopefully this will just get better with time.

Is he ready?

My boyfriend and I have decided to move into together. It's a big step; no a HUGE step. Ihave been here before and I don't want the same outcome as last time, but I am not putting up any walls this time. I am letting things happen as they happen. He, my boyfriend, has never reallyhad a "real" girlfriend. I love him to death and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I am beginning to question if he really is ready for a serious relationship or if he even knows what it means to be in a serious relationship.

He has been spending more time with his friends lately than with me. I know that he does not want the relationship to end, I just think that hedoesn't understand. I want him to hang out with his friends because I want to hang out with mine. When he does hang out with his friends, though he tends to drink too much and back out on plans that him and I had or he "forgets". I told him that he has a girlfriend now and he can't really act the same way he did when he was single. He said that he understood, but he pretty much dod the same thing again this weekend. He has really been letting me down lately and I am not sure what is going on. I have tried talking with him, but it doesn't really seem like it is going anywhere and now I am getting the feeling that he just tellingme what I want to hear, or what he thinks I want to hear. I just want the truth. I don't want him to think that I am whining or being a "girl". I have been going through a lot of stress at work lately and I am trying not to take anything out on him. I just want him to be there for me like I am for him and I don't feel like he is.

I just find myself questioning whether or not us moving in together is a good idea. What's it going to be like when we do? Will it be good because we will get to spend more time together or will he simply find excuses to get out of the house and be with his friends? Am I going to be like one of those girls you see on TV who has cooked a fantastic dinner and is left sitting at the table by herself watching the candle wax drip onto the tablecloth and finishing off the bottle of wine herself? This move will make or break the relationship and I don't think that he understands that.